The Subtle Power Plays Dimming Your Relationship Spark

Ever feel that warm flutter when your partner walks in and their eyes light up just for you? That’s the magic Dr. Tom Murray talks about in Making Nice with Naughty. It’s a spark of joy, trust, and closeness. But sometimes, subtle power plays can dim that glow. Let’s uncover a few of these sneaky dynamics and start reigniting your connection!

What Are A Few of These Hidden Power Plays?

Power dynamics can creep into relationships quietly, often tied to an unconscious need to “win”, “be right”, or merely to “get YOUR needs met.” They show up in small ways that can chip away at your bond.

• Parenting Choices: One of you picks the kids’ school or rules, leaving the other feeling sidelined.

• Everyday Decisions: One decides vacations or budgets, while the other nods to keep the peace.

• Emotional Load: One carries the heart-work, like planning events, soothing stress or being emotionally present for the other.

• Conversation Habits: One dominates the talk, leaving little room for the other’s voice. The converse is also true; One stays quiet and unilateral in decision making, leaving the other out.

Why They Matter

When one partner’s voice fades, it’s hard to feel seen and the other may feel alone in decisions. This erodes trust, dimming those joyful moments. Left unchecked, these dynamics can spark resentment, create distance, and block the calm, connected vibe you both crave.

How to Start Reigniting the Spark

You can begin to shift from power struggles to connection with small, heartfelt steps:

• Spot the Patterns: Ask, “Who’s taking the responsibility to set our kids’ rules or planning our time?”

• Talk with Heart: Try, “I’d love to pick activities together, what do you think?”

• Collaborate: Work as a team to honor both your needs. Therapy can help uncover what is in the way of this type of cooperation and co-creation!

• Check In: Ask, “Do you feel heard?” to keep things open and fair.

The Heart of It

Moving from “winning” to “understanding and cooperating” builds trust and begins to bring back those sparkling-eye moments. Your relationship can become a safe, joyful haven again.

Try this today: Next time you’re making a family or relationship decision, pause and ask your partner, “What do you think?” These small shifts can feel like a warm embrace.