From Survival to Strength: Healing Submission Consciousness

Your survival is a testament to your strength—now, let’s find your healing.

If you’re a survivor of sexual abuse or assault, you may know the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses—your body’s automatic shields against danger. But there’s another, less-known reaction I learned about from couple’s therapist Gail Guttman, LCSW, during a training with the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute: the submit reaction. Unlike a temporary freeze, it’s a complete collapse, a survival instinct often rooted in early childhood trauma when no other option—fight, flight, or freeze—feels possible. As a survivor myself, this hit home. It explained why, later in my life, saying “no” to sex felt like a foreign language my body couldn’t speak.

Submission consciousness can feel like a reflex, kicking in before you even notice. Maybe you’ve felt it: a fog settles over you when an authority figure speaks, or in intimate moments, you disconnect, unable to sense what you truly want. I’ve been there—doctor’s appointments where I’d zone out, barely remembering what was said, just submitting. This isn’t weakness; it’s how you survived, and that resilience is remarkable.

Here’s a moment from my work as a certified equine-assisted psychotherapist. In a group for sexual trauma survivors, I asked a client to stand in an arena as I brought in horses. As they playfully jostled to sort out their pecking order—safely away from her—she glazed over, completely detached. I handed her a halter and asked her to catch a horse. Robotically, she moved toward the chaos, despite her fear. When we paused, she realized she was terrified but hadn’t even registered it until we slowed down. That’s how fast dissociation can hit. Gently, we checked in, and she found her voice, asking to work with just one horse. That small act of reclaiming her needs was a powerful step forward.

For survivors, staying present—especially during intimacy—takes time and tenderness. Learning to say “yes” or “no” isn’t just about words; it’s about reconnecting with your body and emotions, feeling safe enough to know your desires. Therapy offers a warm, safe haven to practice this. With patience, you can stay embodied, honor your boundaries, and even invite your partner to join the process for deeper understanding and support. Overcoming submission consciousness is absolutely possible, one brave step at a time.

You’re not alone, and your healing is worth it. As a therapist and fellow survivor, I’m here to guide you with compassion and practical tools to rediscover your voice and strength. I’ll be the hopeful beacon assuring you there is a way through this.

Ready to take that first step? Reach out today, and let’s walk this gentle, empowering path together.

Radiantly Yours, Tycee

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist  Certified Couples and Sex Therapy Informed Professional  Co-Creator of The Sensual Woman Series 

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Counseling With Tycee~ Helping others feel free to be who they truly are in every area of their lives.