In this blog series, we’ll dive into the impact of sexual abuse and assault, and discuss dealing effectively with it personally, relationally, and societally.
When you peruse the internet, you’ll find common impacts of sexual abuse, assault, and rape to include shame, guilt, self-loathing, anger, depression, personality disorders, poor self-worth, post-traumatic stress disorder, and others. Here, we’ll look at how these symptoms impact one’s quality of life and relationships and expand into less commonly discussed symptoms.
Let’s begin with emotional impacts. First, it’s important to know these impacts are imprinted within the psyche of the individual who experienced this abuse. The age of the victim at the time of abuse is not a factor; this is true across the board. While there is a spectrum of intensity to the impacts, there is no un-impactful impact.
Sometimes survivors minimize their experience by comparing their experience to someone else’s; “my abuse wasn’t as bad as someone else’s” so it doesn’t count. They minimize due to frequency, “it only happened once.” They minimize because of fuzzy memories; “I can’t remember the details, so it didn’t impact me.” They minimize based on how they define violence, “it wasn’t violent, so it wasn’t that bad” or “I didn’t fight so I was complicit.” None of this is the criteria to judge the impact of abuse by, one’s inner experience is. The problem is the coping mechanism victims use in abuse situations is denial. In fact, all of the above minimizations reflect denial. Denial is the first and most detrimental impact of abuse, if it is ongoing. So what is denial?
Denial is an emotional tool that every human is capable of. It is a function of the unconscious mind. In the face of threat, denial allows us to get through the event (fight, flight, freeze, fawn). Denial allows us to push emotions outside our awareness, which promotes the possibility of surviving. Denial isn’t the bad guy short term; in fact, it’s needed in survival situations. You must deny the immediate emotional impact in order to live. Not knowing what else to do, survivors often continue to use denial well after the event.
Evidence of denial shows up in too many ways to provide an in-depth list, but here is a sample. If the survivor was a child at the time of abuse, the event itself was part of how the child learned to define normal. Because it is unconsciously defined as normal, the adult survivor of childhood sex abuse may have symptoms that seem unrelated to it. They may engage in reckless sexual behavior, seek approval through sex, and/or seek power through sex and believe they are merely being free to explore. They may involve themselves with people who mistreat them. They might avoid sex and/or disassociate during sex or carry an anger and depression they don’t understand. They might not define what happened to them as abuse, especially true for male survivors.
Complicating matters, these symptoms may relate to sources other than sexual abuse. This makes it harder to find clarity. Therapy with someone who knows how to help you out of denial, and responsibly guide you to the source of your experience is truly a must.
In an adult who was sexually assaulted, the first stage of impact is shock and denial. During this time, the survivor may say things like, it didn’t really affect me, while simultaneously engaging in self-destructive behavior. They may gradually, or not so gradually, begin abusing substances, over-eating, under-eating, and many other forms of self-punishment and self-destruction. They may appear calm and in control, but also more withdrawn and guarded. Gradually, they may begin to shut out the people closest to them. They may become workaholics. They may lock the experience away, and never discuss it with anyone. “According to the Department of Justice, only 310 out of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to the police. That means more than two out of three go unreported…” Look here for this and other current statistics:
I stated above that the criteria to assess impact by is one’s inner experience, however if the survivor is in denial of their experience…well…you see the problem. Therapy is where you learn to connect with and explore your inner experience in order to identify its sources and heal.
If you experienced sexual abuse as a child and/or assault or rape in teen or adult years, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist who is qualified to work with this type of abuse. Especially if you don’t think it impacted you.
It is essential that we talk about sex!
Radiantly Yours, Tycee
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
* Certified Couples and Sex Therapy Informed Professional
* Co-Creator of The Sensual Woman Series
Here I share information, tips, and resources to support your growth.
Thank you for reading! Drop me a line and share your thoughts. Contact me for greater depth of understanding!
More resources:
Beyond: A therapy group for women and men who have experienced childhood sexual trauma or adult sexual abuse. (970) 609-0400
Heather Redding: Trauma-Informed Holistic Wellness Practitioner, Certified Yoga Teacher, Yoga Therapist in training. (970) 234-6955
Rachel Scutt: Trauma Touch Massage Therapy (719) 505-5209
Center For Children (970) 245-3788
The National Domestic Violence Hotline- https://www.thehotline.org/
The National Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/resources
The National Child Abuse Hotline/Childhelp- https://www.childhelp.org/
Safe Horizon- https://www.safehorizon.org/
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