Setting the Stage for Connection: The Power of Intentional Moments

I’d like to share a favorite memory, and perhaps you will relate.

It was over 40 years ago, just after high school, on a hot summer day in Colorado. My friends and I had planned a day at a mountain lake. We brought food and drinks, spent the day swimming, talking, and relaxing. It wasn’t spontaneous—we chose the lake, coordinated what to bring, and decided when to meet. But once we got there, something beautiful unfolded.

After a long swim in the cold mountain water, I caught a deep chill. Even wrapped in a towel under the sun, I couldn’t get warm. So, I climbed into my car, reclined the passenger seat, and let the sunlight pour in through the window. Slowly, the warmth soaked into my body, and I drifted into sleep.

It was one of the best naps I’ve ever had—deep, delicious, and completely unburdened. There was nothing I needed to do, nowhere to be, no one to impress. Just warmth, rest, and peace. When I woke, I opened my eyes to see a big cottonwood tree above me, sunlight beaming through its bright green leaves. The light shimmered around the tree in a golden glow.

Magic, I thought.

What I took from that experience has stayed with me:

•            The sensual delight of full presence—sunlight, warmth, quiet, rest.

•            The deep peace and restoration that comes from having no demands for a while.

•            The joy of connection through shared play and intention.

But perhaps the most powerful lesson was this: that magical day wasn’t spontaneous. It was planned. We chose to set the stage, and in doing so, created space for spontaneity and connection to arise.

This is something I often talk about in therapy, especially with couples. Many people believe that spontaneity is what makes romance or intimacy feel exciting or meaningful. So when their relationship starts relying more on planning—like scheduling date nights—they worry the spark is fading.

The truth is, planning doesn’t kill spontaneity. It creates room for it.

Think back to when you were dating. You probably planned more than you realized—choosing outfits, selecting the right place, preparing emotionally. You were setting the stage. And once the stage was set, anything could happen.

The same is true now.

If you’re in a long-term relationship and someone suggests planning a date night, don’t let the structure dull your enthusiasm. Planning is not the opposite of romance—it can be part of it. Allow yourself to feel the anticipation. Let the preparation build the excitement. You’re creating the space for something meaningful, playful, or even unexpected to emerge.

I recently worked with a couple who had committed to intentionally noticing moments of awe together. One day, caught in the rain during a hike, they found shelter under a small sandstone overhang. They sat quietly, watching the rain make beautiful patterns as it dripped from the ledge above them. No words—just presence, connection, and awe. A planned day led to an unplanned moment of intimacy.

So, go ahead—plan the date. Set the table. Light the candle. Put the outing on your calendar. You're not eliminating spontaneity. You’re inviting it.

And who knows what kind of magic might find you once you do.

Ready to reconnect more deeply with your partner?

If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, or unsure how to bring more ease and intimacy into your relationship, therapy can help you create the space for lasting change. Reach out today for a free consultation or learn more about how we can work together at Counseling With Tycee.

Radiantly Yours, Tycee

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist  Certified Couples and Sex Therapy Informed Professional  Co-Creator of The Sensual Woman Series 

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